lunedì, dicembre 06, 2004

Everything You Want



Everything You Want
By Eddie G.


When life throws lemons at you, don’t get sour. Make lemonade.

This happened about some time back, during the month of October 2004. Well, it actually began from the very first day I saw her, but it was only recently (ironically after her birthday) when I finally decided to put my foot down.

I, like every other person who yearns for that special someone, pined for her. She was everything I could possibly hope for. We shared the same interests, had the same outlook towards life, and shared the same values and beliefs. In class we would sit together and say stupid things (ok… maybe not “we” per se), make each other laugh and practically turned every boring lecture into two enjoyable hours of more than just warming our seats.

Naturally, we clicked so well that I wanted her for more than a friend. And who could blame me? But fate dealt a cruel hand, for she had other ideas, which mostly came in the form of other boys. And who could blame her?

A civil war erupted within the threshold of my mind, which was already accommodating the dread of having to do my assignments and hand them up at the quickest possible time (i.e. 2 weeks after the deadline). Should I hold on to her, and risk losing my joy, composure, and perhaps my sanity? Or should I let go, and move on.

October 17th 2004, 10:36pm, I made my decision. As Blur puts it, “It wasn’t easy, but nothing is (whoo hoo!)”. I picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hi. It’s me.”

“I know. I’ve got caller ID.”

“I uh… need to talk to you.”

And I told her that as much as I’d hate to, I’m letting go of her. From then on, we were going to be friends. Strictly friends.

“It was pretty brave of you to make that decision,” she said.

“What can I say? They don’t call it ‘Eddiegness’ for nothing,” I laughed mirthlessly, knowing that I wouldn’t be so brave in the hours to come.

I replaced the receiver and lay back on my bed. I didn’t feel like crying, but I wanted to. I even tried willing myself to do it, but ended up coughing instead. I dragged myself to my study table, and opened up my unit reader. I was more or less functioning on auto-pilot now, and “studying” seemed to be the best thing, if not the only thing, I could possibly do without thinking too much (as opposed to say, playing Warcraft III).

My hand reached blindly and fished out a CD. It was a compilation CD which I had burnt while in Singapore. Putting it in, my fingers unconsciously hit the ‘play’, and then the ‘shuffle’ button.

The introduction of my (or should I say the CD player’s) random choice started to play. The first verse followed.

“Somewhere there’s speaking,
It’s already coming in.
Oh, and it’s rising at the back of your mind.
You never did get it,
Unless you were fed it.
And now you’re here and you don’t know why.”

It seemed as if God was using Vertical Horizon to play a wicked joke on me. While a part of me wanted to change the song, another part was just too unmotivated to do anything. I could remember how long I remained in that dazed state of mind (though some may argue that I still am), but the next thing I knew, the song had reached its curtain call.

“I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you
And you don’t know why”

As the days went by, I tried not to think about it. To a certain extent, I succeeded. But that lingering yearning, like a curry stain on a white cotton shirt, refused to go away. I wore that stain proudly, feeling messianistic, as if I was bearing the weight of the World on my shoulders. And believe you me; the World is heavier than you think.

Looking back today, I found myself truly amazed that I was able to pull through, although I wouldn’t have succeeded without the continuous support and encouragement of all my friends. It was a painfully gradual lesson that taught me that when Life closes one door on you, another will open. When the full revelation hit me, I stopped trying to get in through the window.

Sometimes in Life, things will just refuse to go your way, just like a stubborn cow sitting in the middle of the highway. The more you try to move it, the more physically and emotionally drained you become. Instead, lift your head up, take the alternative route, and you might just get what you’ve been looking for.

I haven’t found what I have been looking for yet. But I know that since I have already tasted the bitterness of rejection’s gall, the sweetness of Love’s honey will taste a lot sweeter.

To her, I’d like to say “Oook!” (Thank you for everything, the bittersweet memories)

And to a couple of my friends who are now going through what I went through (you know who you are), keep your chin up. The darkest hour is just before dawn :)

And to everybody else, READ THE CHRONICLES OF TEFFARU!!! Haha.

Love,
Eddie G.

Ye who seek for audience, let ye speak now!

And so it came to past that at 06 dicembre, 2004 22:43, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger Unpredictable Mortal had spoken the following...

I am happy for you. Come to think of it, it surely is no point to think of something or someone which you can never even get close to getting. As God has plans for His people. Seriously, i did not even once came close to thinking of him during this whole month. I guess i pretty much came close to forgetting him entirely. Now, we are great friends, and always will be.

It's amazing how God gave us good friends and not having their backs turned on us after some misunderstandings (i'm not sure whether this could be the right word to use). God is great and because He is, we have a brighter future ahead of us. *Smile Always*

Regards,
Yokie

 
And so it came to past that at 06 dicembre, 2004 23:54, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger anna. had spoken the following...

The heart is fragile and easily broken, but often, only in the shattered remains does one find the strength to continue.

You are far stronger than you might realise.

 
And so it came to past that at 07 dicembre, 2004 10:09, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger imprisoned_soul had spoken the following...

think u told this to me last time..... does e pain come back every now and then?... well... dun worri... every time e pain comes back the pain is less... until at some point... its jus another memory... irksome maybe... oh hey in case u need to hear a new band heres a song by yellowcard... its called empty apartment... enjoy

Call me out
You stayed inside
One you love
Is where you hide
Shot me down as I flew by
Crash and burn
I think sometimes you forget where the heart is

Answer no to these questions
Let her go, learn a lesson
It's not me, you're not listening now
Can't you see something's missing?
You forget where the heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay

Waking up from this nightmare
How's your life, what's it like there?
Is it all what you want it to be?
Does it hurt when you think about me?
And how broken my heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay

It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you love me you'd say its okay
It's okay
It's okay

-Empty Apartment
Yellowcard, Ocean Avenue

 
And so it came to past that at 07 dicembre, 2004 12:46, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger Eddie G. had spoken the following...

To Terence: Yea, Yellowcard is a wicked nice band. Glad you're over her. Hah. Can't wait to get back to Singapore this Christmas. There's a LOTTA booze to be chugged, shots to be downed and songs about head-splitting hungovers to be sung. Cheers!

To Anna: Oook! (When you getting The Thief of Time back?) *hugz*

To Yokie: Ah. Happy ending. See how you got so moody over practically nothing :) Really really REALLY hope to you again sometime soon. *hugz*

 
And so it came to past that at 07 dicembre, 2004 22:41, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger mUsHrOoM had spoken the following...

hahah remiscene is such a good thing! oh well happy holidays to u! ;) time will tell....i really bliff dat! =)

 
And so it came to past that at 08 dicembre, 2004 13:20, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger Eddie G. had spoken the following...

Haha! Happy hols to you, Munzie :D hehehe

Wei! Long time never hear from you liao? You still alive not muahaha. Call me lah you -_-'

 

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