Every Cloud...

That Silver Lining
By Eddie G.


A wise man once said, "A man who cannot cope with his feelings will eventually lose them."

He never really believed it, until recently. The last month had been a trying one for him. He was constantly at war with his feelings, and hated every fucking moment of it.

There was nothing more in the world that meant anything to him than she did. And she knew it. She had to. He fucking told her!

Reason told him that the only thing that could salvage the situation now was to tell her that they'd be better off as friends. But that would be lying, wouldn't it? Not only lying to himself, but more importantly to her. For awhile, he juggled with that idea. Yes, to "just be friends" with her could very well keep the friendship going... but at an insurmountable expense.

Was he being selfish? Would that count as selfish behaviour? How could it be when everything was about her, when all he ever wanted was to love her, be with her and care for her. But even then, he believed it was selfish in its own way. He knew this situation took a toll on her as much as it did him. Or did it? He felt terribly incompetent, and didn't even know how she felt about him. He didn't have the courage to find out... as much as he wanted to.

He then began to entertain the notion that we was obsessed.

Day in and out he wrestled with the two conflicting schools of thought... friend, jilted lover, friend, jilted lover, friend... He knew it was humanly impossible to be both at the same time. It ate him up inside, making him moody, unpredictable and inconclusive.

He tried watching the TV, but saw her face on every channel.

He tried sleeping it off, but it merely haunted his dreams.

The rain began pouring steadily now as he trudged along the sidewalk. He would give anything to turn back the hands of time to the day he said those fateful words and clamp a forceful yet reassuring hand over the mouth that started this whole episode.

But he couldn't.

The rain showed signs of vehement unrelent, as did his heart. But he knew had to let go sooner or later.

It was for the best, he told himself. He had to let go.

And he did. As the last of his tears splashed against the pavement, mingled with the raindrops of indifference, he looked up at the sky. A numbing sensation washed over his emotions. Never would he make the mistake of caring for something ever again. It was just not worth the hassle.

As he made his way home, the rain slowly began to subside and the sun began to re-emerge from the grey rainclouds that once shadowed it.

Every cloud does have a silver lining - but this wasn't his...