Boxing Day Debate

Boxing Day nearly took on a more literal meaning as I sat down with a friend for coffee in Orchard Road. It has always been customary that our debates normally end with us raising our voices to a point where people often mistake it for a husband-wife quarrel and give us plenty of room. It has also always been customary for us to willingly engage in such debates despite knowing the outcome almost 90% of time.

This time, the debate topic was on Good vs. Evil. For brevity, I shall refrain from naming who she is... for now. She doesn't read my blog anyway, but I'm not taking any chances >_<

Agitation Meter: 0%

She: I wonder how the World will be like if there was absolutely no evil.

Me: Very, very boring. I'll get senile from doing nothing but watering potted plants every day.

She: No, but think about it; a World where evil is non-existent, and good reigns unprecedented.

Me: If evil does not exist, then neither does good.

*fast-foward 5 minutes later*

Agitation Meter: 7%

She: I don't get what you mean, if evil doesn't exist, then the opposite should be true - good exists in superabundance

Me: Quite the contrary; if 'evil' doesn't exist, then the concept of 'good' doesn't exist either simply because there is no longer the benchmark of 'evil' whereby 'good' can be compared to. In other words, neither 'good' nor 'evil' has no intrinsic value (and all the Commies say 'Amen!').

She: What the hell are you talking about??? (Agititaion Meter +4%)

Me: Don't be so dense, woman. If there was no 'up', there will be no 'down' because the concept of 'down' can no longer be explained as 'the opposite of up'.

*fast-forward 5 minutes later*

Agitation Meter: 21%

Me: Do you get it now?

She: I'm beginning to see it from your perspective yes. But if this is true, then which concept came first? 'Up' or 'Down'?

Me: That's the thing, one cannot exist with the other, therefore it is impossible that the concept of 'Up' existed before the concept of 'Down'.

She: I find that concept even MORE impossible.

Me: And I find you the MOST impossible. (Agitation Meter +12%)

She: Don't patronize me, asswipe!

Me: Sorry. (Agitation Meter -3%)

*fast-forward 2 minutes later*

Agitation Meter: 38%

She: See what I mean? Someone has to come up with the concept of 'Up' before the concept of 'Down' can be conceived. It's common sense; which was never one of your departments.

Me: Okay then. Give me the definition of 'Down'.

She: Simple. 'Down' means... to descend.

Me: No. That's 'Down' used as a verb, which is irrelevant to the discussion. Give me the definition of 'Down' used as the preposition.

She: Oh that's easy. 'Down' means... um...

*fast-forward 7 minutes later*

The Agitation Meter hasn't moved, because nothing was being said.

She: Okay fine. I give up. What is the definition of 'Down'? As the preposition?

Me: Simple. 'Down' means 'not Up'.

She: WTF?!?! (Agitation Meter +17%) That makes no bloody sense at ALL!!

Me: That's what I've been trying to tell you!!! Without 'Up', 'Down' makes no sense at all. Without 'Evil', 'Good' is nothing more than a four-letter word.

She: I'm thinking of ANOTHER four-letter word that I'm rather tempted to use on to you right now.

Me: Sorry, you're not my type.

*one minute of silence has elasped*

Agitation Meter: 59%

She: Ok, you know what, let's start over again. Hear what I have to say, and only cut in AFTER I've finished, alright?

Me: Fair call. But before that, I must say something.

She: What?

Me: [shift into TMY mode] They say that when you meet the love of your life, time stops; and that's true.

She: [rolls eyes] Which moron did you hear that from?

*fast-forward 2 minutes later*

She: So my concept of 'evil' is 'the absence of good', just like how 'cold' is the absence of 'heat'.

Me: You're only reinforcing my point. If 'evil' -

She: I'M NOT FINISHED YET!!!

Me: Sorry

She: Remember the e-mail I sent you? Even zero celsious is 'heat', but in low amounts. Only zero Kelvin is considered as 'no heat'. 'Cold' is merely a term to describe the lack of heat. Just like 'evil' is to 'good'. SO if 'evil' can be defined as 'the absence of good', then the absence of evil is the 'omnipresence of good'.

Me: You came to that conclusion because you're applying circular logic. Just because Evil = No Good, you're assuming that No Evil = Good. And only an economist will make a more retarded assumption than that. [pause for effect] Ceteris paribus.

She: FUCK YOU! (she's an economist)

Me: I didn't bring protection.

*another minute of awkward silence*

Agitation Meter: 67%

She: Actually it's pretty damn easy to understand. The same also applies to mathematics.

Me: The last time I did math was when I was 17.

She: That's because you suck. Now listen to me. In mathematics, 'zero' is not a number. It merely symbolizes that absence of a number. That's why anything divided by zero is impossible because zero isn't a number anyway.

Me: Yes. I understand that. Go on.

She: So that's it. There's only two ways to it: either it's a real number or it's zero. Plain and easy. So if you were to apply your theory that 'zero' has no intrinsic value-

Me: It's not my theory.

She: You're right. I give you too much credit sometimes. Whatever. So if you were to apply the theory that 'zero' has no intrinsic value, then the theory cannot stand because without zero, you can still have other numbers.

Me: Alright then. What comes after 9?

She: Ten

Me: Not if there is no 'zero'.

She: That's a weak argument!

Me: No, it isn't. Never mind then. Let me ask you: What is the lowest integer?

She: There is no lowest integer, it's negative infinity.

Me: That's right. What is the lowest positive integer?

She: One

Me: What separates negative integers from the positive ones?

She: Zero

Me: I rest my case. Zero is the pivot of the number-line. Without it, the other numbers become meaningless because every conceivable number is with respect to zero i.e. 5 is 'five more than zero'; -7 is 'seven less than zero'.

Agitation Meter: 74%

She: I don't get it.

Me: Geez! I bet that when God was giving out heads, you probably heard 'beds' and asked for a soft one.

Agitation Meter: 81%

She: What the HELL is wrong with you, Edwin Goh Seng Phoon. You keep putting my ideas down!

Agitation Meter: 86%

Me: That's because your ideas are shit, and your arguments are feeble and insipid!

*The rest of this debate has been censored because nothing of further insight could be gleaned from the remainder, and primarily because there might be kids reading this blog*

So that was my Boxing Day for you.

n.b. I hardly get into arguments with other people, simply because it's not worth my time and/or effort. This incident however, is an exception. We're still good friends despite everything. We'll probably argue again in the not too distant future, only to call up the next day to tell each other how much we enjoyed our little debates.

Yes, it's masochistic. But lesser beings will not understand.

Happy New Year peeps :)