When at Night I Go to Sleep

This was the song written by Engelbert Humperdinck (what a name! Imagine the ridicule he'd have to suffer in school). It's a children's prayer, and it goes...

When at night I go to sleep,
Fourteen angels watch do keep.
Two my head are guarding:
Two my feet are guiding:
Two are on my right hand;
Two are on my left hand;
Two who warmly cover;
Two who o'er me hover;
Two to whom 'tis given
To guide my steps to Heaven.

I think that's a load of bull. Humperdinck must have been tripping when he wrote this dribble! It also seems to me that he must have been getting into shitloads of trouble all the bloody time for him to need 14 angels to watch over him. The poor buggers are on overtime!

If I had 14 angels, this is how my poem would have turned out:

When at night I go to sleep,
Fourteen angels watch do keep.
Two are just not in the mood;
Two have gone to ta-pow food;
Two have gone to buy some smokes;
Two are telling dirty jokes;
Two just fold their arms and scoff;
Two of them have nodded off;
Two whom drink hath taken toll;
Yearn for bett'r bladder control.