The Eddie G. Semestral Commie Awards, July 2005

Ok, the reason why I'm doing this is because 1) I'm bored, 2) I'm supposed to study for NEC and 3) I'm supposed to be doing my wayyyyy overdue NEC assignment. But you know what they say: All work and no play makes Eddie G. a nerd. In true style of the Annual Emmy Awards, each award will have their nominee, followed by the winner. There are 7 imaginary judges in our panel today. You don't have to bother who they are, simply because THEY ARE IMAGINARY, YOU DUMB FUCK! And for added bonus, the winner's favourite quote or projected reception speech will be written. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: This post was put up solely for fun and bears no animosity towards any of my peers whatsoever. Honestly, the Monash Commies are a cool bunch of people and hence I know that I can safely take the piss out them without suffering from (too severe) repercussions. Should any of you take offense at your name being mentioned here, please let me know privately, that I may laugh in thy puritan face!

Biggest Slacker Award

The Nominees are:

Wilson Lee
Eddie G. (yes, I can win awards in my own Awards Ceremony. So sue me!)
Ting Jer Huan
Davin Chew
William Lo

And the Winner is:

Ting Jer Huan!

Decisional Majority:

Unanimous

Judges' Comments:

It was a close fight between Eddie G. and Ting Jer Huan. But when we found out that the latter didn't even show up for the exams, we knew for certain who our winner was. Sorry Eddie, but the fact that you own this blog wasn't enough to change the score in your favour.

Winner's Projected Speech:

Yea! I'm the man! Triple H beats Batista! It's time to play the game!


Shop-aholic Award

The Nominees are:

Goh Kel Li
Erin Tan
Lindy Goh
Koo Yi Shu
Yong Sze Mun

And the Winner is:

Erin Tan!

Decisional Majority:

5 out of 7

Judges' Comments:

Eddie once said that all she blogs about is shopping, rock-climbing and food. That's not true anymore. Now that she sprained her wrist, she blogs about food and shopping only. And shopping takes up like more than 75% of her posts. It was an easy pick for us. The reason why Yi Shu did not win is because she'll buy two pairs of funky Adidas shoes at the beginning of each month, and then not buy anything else on account that she'll be broke. The other two voted for Sze Mun only because she had personally threatened to kick the stuffing out of them if they didn't. It is indeed heartwarming to see that at the end of the day, democracy ultimately triumphs over treachery!

Winner's Projected Speech:

You like it? I bought it yesterday. Guess how much it costs? Go on, guess. Nope, lower. Umm... not that low lah (Music plays) wait, wait!!! They haven't guessed how much it costs yet! Wait! Hey, don't drag me off stage! I'm not done yet. C'mon guys guess! (as she is being carried off) Okay, you give up? (Now offstage, shouting) I BOUGHT IT FOR $19.90!!!


The Best Rubbish-Talker Award

The Nominees are:

Aaron Lee Jun Meng
Nikhail Singh
William Lo
Eddie G.
Tan Meng Yoe

And the Winner is:

Aaron Lee Jun Meng!

Decisional Majority:

3 out of 7

Judges' Comments:

Now this is one close fight! Technically Aaron would have not have won with such a low score, but the other four judges casted one vote for each of the other candidates, so he wins by virtue of that. Let us remind you that there is a really fine line between sounding overly intellectual and simply talking rubbish. The reason why Aaron won was because while the other nominees were more than capable of crossing the line as and when they pleased, Aaron took the extra trouble to erase it.

Winner's Projected Speech:

You know, this reminds me of the story when I was young. You see, I had this friend of mine whom I had a tiff with over some trivial matter, and after that he tried to reconcile with me, but (music plays) I didn't want to and soon after he died of cancer (music stops abruptly, everyone listens intently). He left a note saying that he was sorry for all the trouble he had caused (sniffing from the audience) and that no matter what, I'll always be his best friend. So yea, this award is dedicated to you, wherever you are in Heaven (crowd gives a standing ovation, tears in their eyes)


The Golden Jagung Award

The Nominee is:

Fikri Jermadi

And the Winner is:

Fikri Jermadi!

Decisional Majority:

Unanimous (obviously)

Judges' Comments:

What choice did we have? The moment Fikri was nominated, everybody else refused to challenge him for the award.

Winner's Projected Speech:

Okay, stop me if you've heard this one. What do you call a Swede who doesn't eat fish? "Ikano". HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH (Music plays) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH (he gets carried off stage) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH (his laughter trails off as he gets carried to the dressing room)


The Blur Sotong Award

The Nominees are:

Erin Tan
Joanna Lee
M. Yasir
Sophia Wong
Audrey Woon

And the Winner is:

Joanne Lee!

Decisional Majority:

6 out of 7

Judges' Comments:

What can we say? Some people have it all! Not only is she blur, she's blur AND lovable. That's a huge plus in our books. One judge did vote for Yasir, but that's only because he likes Maldivian boys with curly hair. How superficial!

Winner's Projected Speech:

Huh? What? Who? I'm hungry. I'm bored. I want ice lemon tea!


Most Hyper Award

The Nominees are:

Natalya
Melody Song
Linora Low
Yap Jin Yao
Trudy Au

And the Winner is:

Natalya!

Decisional Majority:

Unanimous

Judges' Comments:

Talks real fast; almost unpunctuated speech. Gets super excited when she sees you. Has a tendency to bounce rather than walk. Enjoys engaging in conversations, even without prior knowledge of the conversational subject at hand. She's just simply adorable, and you'll never be bored with her around.

Winner's Projected Speech:

Oh my God, I won? Like wow. I didn't expect to win. Yayyyyyyy! Hey am I on TV? I hope I am. Hi Melody! Look I'm on TV! Oh wait you're a nominee too? Sorry you didn't win, yea. Next time okayyyyyy? (music plays) Oh! I gotta go now! Byeeeeeeeeeee


The "Ladykiller" Award

The Nominees are:

Tan Meng Yoe
Lee Aaron (without the Jun Meng)
Zeck Pulle
Phoon Chi Ho
Fikri Jermadi

And the Winner is:

Zeck Pulle!

Decisional Majority:

4 out of 7

Judges' Comments:

One thing is for certain, he's half Dutch. And that kinda won the game for him. He has the looks, but more importantly he has the personality. Nice and easy-going fellow. Sure of himself. And to top it all off, HE'S BALD! But too bad, ladies, he's already taken. And you can forget about making a move on him when Yokie goes to Australia because he'll stay faithful. How do we know? Because 1) Eddie will kill him if he doesn't and 2) HE'S HENPECKED!!! Muahahaha! So I guess the chicks should sae sum and go for Meng Yoe instead. Incidentally, Meng Yoe's nominee has expressed his, I mean, his/her wish to remain anonymous. We however have a hunch who he, I mean, that person is.

Winner's Projected Speech:

Aww. I don't think I should have won lah. I think Lee Aaron should have won. I mean, c'mon, look at him. He's so good-looking, and he's nice. I dunno lah, really. But thanks anyway. (Modest as ever, I see)


The Most Condescending Award

The Nominees are:

Eddie G.
Aaron Lee Jun Meng
William Lo
Oh Sang Yun
Yong Sze Mun

And the Winner is:

William Lo!

Decisional Majority:

6 out of 7

Judges' Comments:

There was never any doubt who the winner is in this one. He knows how to make you feel inferior, and with style too. Feel his cold, cutting words and tremble with fear! And again, the only judge who didn't vote for William was reportedly bribed by Sze Mun. It seems apparent that she's desperately trying to win an award.

Winner's Projected Speech:

Aiyoh of course I win lah! Look at the rest of you. So stupid! You guys suck man! Hahaha!


The Narcissus Award

The Nominees are:

Fikri Jermadi
Tan Meng Yoe
Aaron Lee Jun Meng
Erin Tan
Yong Sze Mun

And the Winner is:

Tan Meng Yoe!

Decisional Majority:

4 out of 7

Judges' Comments:

Of course TMY was the obvious choice. His fiercest competitor was Fikri, but seeing that TMY talks about how he's the most handsome male in Monash University 24/7, in and out of context, online and offline, we felt that he was most deserving of this award. The other three judges who did not vote for TMY succumbed to Sze Mun's kesihan (pity) me pouty look. Looks like she really wants to win an award rather badly I must say.

Winner's Projected Speech:

Well! Obviously the answer is ME! I mean look at me! And they say that when you meet the love of your life (music plays, bouncers immediately rush in to drag TMY away from stage, kicking and screaming) *short pause* (offstage, yelling) TIMES STOPS, AND THAT'S TRUE!!!


The Ganas Award

The Nominees are:

Lindy Goh
Goh Kel Li
Yong Sze Mun
Trudy Au
Joanne Liyeng

And the Winner is:

Yong Sze Mun!

Decisional Majority:

Unanimous

Judges' Comments:

This time there was nothing we could do. We were all threatened at knifepoint. But that does go to show that she deserves at least this award

Winner's Projected Speech:

Huh! Finally hor! You all ah! Slaaaaaaaaap you then you know! Biatch!


The Sultry Voice Award

The Nominees are:

Sophia Wong
Kuan Sueet Ying
Kam Shi Ying
Wani
Dr. Andrew Ng Hock Soon

And the Winner is:

Dr. Andrew Ng Hock Soon!

Decisional Majority:

6 out of 7

Judges' Comments:

If you've attended his subjects this year (authorship and writing, contemporary fiction and screen theories), you'll soon realize that Dr. Andrew's voice is so smooth and sultry that it can provide a cure for all but the most persistent of insomnias. And you should hear the way he sings. Simply mindblowing!

Winner's Projected Speech:

(music plays) First I was afraid, I was petrified...


The Eddiegness Award

The Nominees are:

Eddie G.
Goh Seng Phoon
His Grace Lord Edwin Aegnor Goh I
The Edster
G-Man

And the Winner is:

ALL OF THE ABOVE!

Decisional Majority:

Unanimous

Judges' Comments:

Yes, the 5 nominees for the Eddiegness Award are all in fact one and the same person. There is a reason behind this. No one else comes close. Ever.

Winner's Projected Speech:

Thanks for each and every one of you out there who has made this semester a fun-filled yet enriching one. I'm glad that I was barred from entering NUS, because I wouldn't have met you crazy buggers if I wasn't. I wouldn't trade you guys for anything in the World (save for ultimate world sovereignty of course, but that's not the point). To all those who (music plays) SHUT UP! (music cuts) To all those who are leaving next year (either graduating or transfering), go with my blessing. I'll certainly miss you lots. As for those who are staying on, see you next sem, enjoy your holidays and look out for the Febrary 2006 Eddie G. Semestral Commie Awards! Good night! (Sir Edward Elgar's Pomp and Circumstance March No. 4 in G plays, the crowd rises to give Eddie G. a well-deserved standing ovation as he regally takes his leave. And rightfully so!)