martedì, novembre 01, 2005

The Eddie G. Semestral Commie Awards, July 2005

Ok, the reason why I'm doing this is because 1) I'm bored, 2) I'm supposed to study for NEC and 3) I'm supposed to be doing my wayyyyy overdue NEC assignment. But you know what they say: All work and no play makes Eddie G. a nerd. In true style of the Annual Emmy Awards, each award will have their nominee, followed by the winner. There are 7 imaginary judges in our panel today. You don't have to bother who they are, simply because THEY ARE IMAGINARY, YOU DUMB FUCK! And for added bonus, the winner's favourite quote or projected reception speech will be written. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: This post was put up solely for fun and bears no animosity towards any of my peers whatsoever. Honestly, the Monash Commies are a cool bunch of people and hence I know that I can safely take the piss out them without suffering from (too severe) repercussions. Should any of you take offense at your name being mentioned here, please let me know privately, that I may laugh in thy puritan face!

Biggest Slacker Award

The Nominees are:

Wilson Lee
Eddie G. (yes, I can win awards in my own Awards Ceremony. So sue me!)
Ting Jer Huan
Davin Chew
William Lo

And the Winner is:

Ting Jer Huan!

Decisional Majority:

Unanimous

Judges' Comments:

It was a close fight between Eddie G. and Ting Jer Huan. But when we found out that the latter didn't even show up for the exams, we knew for certain who our winner was. Sorry Eddie, but the fact that you own this blog wasn't enough to change the score in your favour.

Winner's Projected Speech:

Yea! I'm the man! Triple H beats Batista! It's time to play the game!


Shop-aholic Award

The Nominees are:

Goh Kel Li
Erin Tan
Lindy Goh
Koo Yi Shu
Yong Sze Mun

And the Winner is:

Erin Tan!

Decisional Majority:

5 out of 7

Judges' Comments:

Eddie once said that all she blogs about is shopping, rock-climbing and food. That's not true anymore. Now that she sprained her wrist, she blogs about food and shopping only. And shopping takes up like more than 75% of her posts. It was an easy pick for us. The reason why Yi Shu did not win is because she'll buy two pairs of funky Adidas shoes at the beginning of each month, and then not buy anything else on account that she'll be broke. The other two voted for Sze Mun only because she had personally threatened to kick the stuffing out of them if they didn't. It is indeed heartwarming to see that at the end of the day, democracy ultimately triumphs over treachery!

Winner's Projected Speech:

You like it? I bought it yesterday. Guess how much it costs? Go on, guess. Nope, lower. Umm... not that low lah (Music plays) wait, wait!!! They haven't guessed how much it costs yet! Wait! Hey, don't drag me off stage! I'm not done yet. C'mon guys guess! (as she is being carried off) Okay, you give up? (Now offstage, shouting) I BOUGHT IT FOR $19.90!!!


The Best Rubbish-Talker Award

The Nominees are:

Aaron Lee Jun Meng
Nikhail Singh
William Lo
Eddie G.
Tan Meng Yoe

And the Winner is:

Aaron Lee Jun Meng!

Decisional Majority:

3 out of 7

Judges' Comments:

Now this is one close fight! Technically Aaron would have not have won with such a low score, but the other four judges casted one vote for each of the other candidates, so he wins by virtue of that. Let us remind you that there is a really fine line between sounding overly intellectual and simply talking rubbish. The reason why Aaron won was because while the other nominees were more than capable of crossing the line as and when they pleased, Aaron took the extra trouble to erase it.

Winner's Projected Speech:

You know, this reminds me of the story when I was young. You see, I had this friend of mine whom I had a tiff with over some trivial matter, and after that he tried to reconcile with me, but (music plays) I didn't want to and soon after he died of cancer (music stops abruptly, everyone listens intently). He left a note saying that he was sorry for all the trouble he had caused (sniffing from the audience) and that no matter what, I'll always be his best friend. So yea, this award is dedicated to you, wherever you are in Heaven (crowd gives a standing ovation, tears in their eyes)


The Golden Jagung Award

The Nominee is:

Fikri Jermadi

And the Winner is:

Fikri Jermadi!

Decisional Majority:

Unanimous (obviously)

Judges' Comments:

What choice did we have? The moment Fikri was nominated, everybody else refused to challenge him for the award.

Winner's Projected Speech:

Okay, stop me if you've heard this one. What do you call a Swede who doesn't eat fish? "Ikano". HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH (Music plays) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH (he gets carried off stage) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH (his laughter trails off as he gets carried to the dressing room)


The Blur Sotong Award

The Nominees are:

Erin Tan
Joanna Lee
M. Yasir
Sophia Wong
Audrey Woon

And the Winner is:

Joanne Lee!

Decisional Majority:

6 out of 7

Judges' Comments:

What can we say? Some people have it all! Not only is she blur, she's blur AND lovable. That's a huge plus in our books. One judge did vote for Yasir, but that's only because he likes Maldivian boys with curly hair. How superficial!

Winner's Projected Speech:

Huh? What? Who? I'm hungry. I'm bored. I want ice lemon tea!


Most Hyper Award

The Nominees are:

Natalya
Melody Song
Linora Low
Yap Jin Yao
Trudy Au

And the Winner is:

Natalya!

Decisional Majority:

Unanimous

Judges' Comments:

Talks real fast; almost unpunctuated speech. Gets super excited when she sees you. Has a tendency to bounce rather than walk. Enjoys engaging in conversations, even without prior knowledge of the conversational subject at hand. She's just simply adorable, and you'll never be bored with her around.

Winner's Projected Speech:

Oh my God, I won? Like wow. I didn't expect to win. Yayyyyyyy! Hey am I on TV? I hope I am. Hi Melody! Look I'm on TV! Oh wait you're a nominee too? Sorry you didn't win, yea. Next time okayyyyyy? (music plays) Oh! I gotta go now! Byeeeeeeeeeee


The "Ladykiller" Award

The Nominees are:

Tan Meng Yoe
Lee Aaron (without the Jun Meng)
Zeck Pulle
Phoon Chi Ho
Fikri Jermadi

And the Winner is:

Zeck Pulle!

Decisional Majority:

4 out of 7

Judges' Comments:

One thing is for certain, he's half Dutch. And that kinda won the game for him. He has the looks, but more importantly he has the personality. Nice and easy-going fellow. Sure of himself. And to top it all off, HE'S BALD! But too bad, ladies, he's already taken. And you can forget about making a move on him when Yokie goes to Australia because he'll stay faithful. How do we know? Because 1) Eddie will kill him if he doesn't and 2) HE'S HENPECKED!!! Muahahaha! So I guess the chicks should sae sum and go for Meng Yoe instead. Incidentally, Meng Yoe's nominee has expressed his, I mean, his/her wish to remain anonymous. We however have a hunch who he, I mean, that person is.

Winner's Projected Speech:

Aww. I don't think I should have won lah. I think Lee Aaron should have won. I mean, c'mon, look at him. He's so good-looking, and he's nice. I dunno lah, really. But thanks anyway. (Modest as ever, I see)


The Most Condescending Award

The Nominees are:

Eddie G.
Aaron Lee Jun Meng
William Lo
Oh Sang Yun
Yong Sze Mun

And the Winner is:

William Lo!

Decisional Majority:

6 out of 7

Judges' Comments:

There was never any doubt who the winner is in this one. He knows how to make you feel inferior, and with style too. Feel his cold, cutting words and tremble with fear! And again, the only judge who didn't vote for William was reportedly bribed by Sze Mun. It seems apparent that she's desperately trying to win an award.

Winner's Projected Speech:

Aiyoh of course I win lah! Look at the rest of you. So stupid! You guys suck man! Hahaha!


The Narcissus Award

The Nominees are:

Fikri Jermadi
Tan Meng Yoe
Aaron Lee Jun Meng
Erin Tan
Yong Sze Mun

And the Winner is:

Tan Meng Yoe!

Decisional Majority:

4 out of 7

Judges' Comments:

Of course TMY was the obvious choice. His fiercest competitor was Fikri, but seeing that TMY talks about how he's the most handsome male in Monash University 24/7, in and out of context, online and offline, we felt that he was most deserving of this award. The other three judges who did not vote for TMY succumbed to Sze Mun's kesihan (pity) me pouty look. Looks like she really wants to win an award rather badly I must say.

Winner's Projected Speech:

Well! Obviously the answer is ME! I mean look at me! And they say that when you meet the love of your life (music plays, bouncers immediately rush in to drag TMY away from stage, kicking and screaming) *short pause* (offstage, yelling) TIMES STOPS, AND THAT'S TRUE!!!


The Ganas Award

The Nominees are:

Lindy Goh
Goh Kel Li
Yong Sze Mun
Trudy Au
Joanne Liyeng

And the Winner is:

Yong Sze Mun!

Decisional Majority:

Unanimous

Judges' Comments:

This time there was nothing we could do. We were all threatened at knifepoint. But that does go to show that she deserves at least this award

Winner's Projected Speech:

Huh! Finally hor! You all ah! Slaaaaaaaaap you then you know! Biatch!


The Sultry Voice Award

The Nominees are:

Sophia Wong
Kuan Sueet Ying
Kam Shi Ying
Wani
Dr. Andrew Ng Hock Soon

And the Winner is:

Dr. Andrew Ng Hock Soon!

Decisional Majority:

6 out of 7

Judges' Comments:

If you've attended his subjects this year (authorship and writing, contemporary fiction and screen theories), you'll soon realize that Dr. Andrew's voice is so smooth and sultry that it can provide a cure for all but the most persistent of insomnias. And you should hear the way he sings. Simply mindblowing!

Winner's Projected Speech:

(music plays) First I was afraid, I was petrified...


The Eddiegness Award

The Nominees are:

Eddie G.
Goh Seng Phoon
His Grace Lord Edwin Aegnor Goh I
The Edster
G-Man

And the Winner is:

ALL OF THE ABOVE!

Decisional Majority:

Unanimous

Judges' Comments:

Yes, the 5 nominees for the Eddiegness Award are all in fact one and the same person. There is a reason behind this. No one else comes close. Ever.

Winner's Projected Speech:

Thanks for each and every one of you out there who has made this semester a fun-filled yet enriching one. I'm glad that I was barred from entering NUS, because I wouldn't have met you crazy buggers if I wasn't. I wouldn't trade you guys for anything in the World (save for ultimate world sovereignty of course, but that's not the point). To all those who (music plays) SHUT UP! (music cuts) To all those who are leaving next year (either graduating or transfering), go with my blessing. I'll certainly miss you lots. As for those who are staying on, see you next sem, enjoy your holidays and look out for the Febrary 2006 Eddie G. Semestral Commie Awards! Good night! (Sir Edward Elgar's Pomp and Circumstance March No. 4 in G plays, the crowd rises to give Eddie G. a well-deserved standing ovation as he regally takes his leave. And rightfully so!)

Ye who seek for audience, let ye speak now!

And so it came to past that at 02 novembre, 2005 21:01, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger Lord Darth Superratty had spoken the following...

thank you, thank you.

they say when you meet the love of your life, time stops, and that's true.

that's true.

that's true.

that's true.

that's true.

and that's true.

OI CLAP LAH.

thank you.

thank you.

thank you so much.

thank you.

you can stop clapping now.

thank you

yes thank you.

ok i'm going to go now the music is playing.

oh you want more pictures of me?

sure.

how bout this pose?

how bout this?

or this?

smile? with my teeth?

oh the bouncers are coming.

more photos and autograph backstage ok?

thank you again.

 
And so it came to past that at 02 novembre, 2005 22:35, in the presence of The Eddie G., Anonymous Anonimo had spoken the following...

Lolz....
Haha Eddie... you forgot to mention that TMY thinks all females are attracted to him... well according to him...*ahem*... he thinks he's the most charming and electrifying male ever to grace earth.

 
And so it came to past that at 03 novembre, 2005 01:16, in the presence of The Eddie G., Anonymous Anonimo had spoken the following...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
superrrrrr funny. yeah man, eddie, you're so jobless la! hehe thanks for the kind nomination. darnit. i thought i'd get shopaholic award, but nevermind! *bounces off into sunset*

-melody

 
And so it came to past that at 03 novembre, 2005 11:40, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger mUsHrOoM had spoken the following...

aaaiiiiyah....u bitch! u better not let me see u when i still remember dis...i swear i am go goin to smack the daylights out of u...

-Sze Mun(living true to her award)

=P

 
And so it came to past that at 03 novembre, 2005 13:20, in the presence of The Eddie G., Anonymous Anonimo had spoken the following...

huh ? wat's going on ?

 
And so it came to past that at 03 novembre, 2005 20:44, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger efferstine had spoken the following...

Meng Yoe, I think you should have won your own Vain Pot Poll in your blog. Look at your own comment man.

 
And so it came to past that at 03 novembre, 2005 23:23, in the presence of The Eddie G., Anonymous DJ Zach had spoken the following...

Wahaha full of shit sia! U forgot to give the "Most nothing-to-do-and-i'm-bored-cum-super-talk-cock-mode" award to yourself man! Never fails to surpass urself on that. :)

 
And so it came to past that at 03 novembre, 2005 23:55, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger Unpredictable Mortal had spoken the following...

say... i owe Zeck an apology for not being by his side when he was receiving the award. Well, as you know, i'm just confused with the road signs which confused me.

Say... i did lost my way to the... hrmm... was it academy awards or semestrial commie awards. I thought it was that way... no this way... RIGHT! that way... shit! i'm hearing voices... now... i'm pretty sure... it's THIS way... no that!! (*goes on*) (......)

 
And so it came to past that at 04 novembre, 2005 15:20, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger Eddie G. had spoken the following...

Ah Zicong, you're just jealous that you didn't get nominated. This is a closed Awards Ceremony. Singaporeans are not allowed :)

 
And so it came to past that at 04 novembre, 2005 17:10, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger leanne had spoken the following...

eyyy.. why dont i get a nomination?

"technically you're not a Commie and more importantly YOU'RE NOT IN MALAYSIA"

.. heyy i did SOME comm subjects didnt i? haha. well malaysian studies isnt exactly a comm subject, nor is LAN malay A (saya nama leanne, saya suka eddie g banyak banyak, saya nak balik KL..)

oh well, i cant fit in another MUM semester in my course. unless you want me to be at uni for antoher 2yrs, which isnt on my list of things to do, really.

anyway congrats on your fleedom, enjoy whilst i cram for two more exams. xx

 
And so it came to past that at 04 novembre, 2005 17:19, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger Eddie G. had spoken the following...

Wahahahaaa. Fine fine. For you and only you, I shall grant you special consideration in next year's awards. Or why don't I give you one now.

The Honorary Commie Award:

The Nominee is:

Leanne Crystal Lim

The Winner is:

Leanne Crystal Lim

Decisional Majority:

Unanimous

Judge's Comment:

The judges are not around anymore, so I shall give comment. She really deserves this award because she has everything it takes to be a Commie; everything save for the fact that she is NOT a Commie. Hence the word "Honorary". And for the record, doing ONE (1) Commie subject doesn't make you a Commie. Compare to what we do, ONE (1) really is peanuts. But, it's not how many subjects you do that makes you a true blue Commie. It's what's in your heart. Having said that, this award is for you Leanne; for your beautiful heart.

Winner's Projected Speech:

(I'm too lazy to think of one now. So sue me! BLEAG!) :p

 
And so it came to past that at 04 novembre, 2005 19:37, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger Jean had spoken the following...

whoa Jer Huan ended up in mass comm?

 
And so it came to past that at 04 novembre, 2005 19:44, in the presence of The Eddie G., Anonymous DJ Zach had spoken the following...

Hey I'm Mass Comm too yer noe! Just not in Monash :)

 
And so it came to past that at 04 novembre, 2005 22:01, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger Eddie G. had spoken the following...

Jean: Yup. He's in the same batch as me :) Feb 2004 intake

Zicong: That's just tough. Plus, would refrain about talking bad about Malaysians here, because you're the only "foreigner" Hahaha!

 
And so it came to past that at 05 novembre, 2005 01:09, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger leanne had spoken the following...

winner's projected speech: terima kasih. teh ais ser, roti telur ser.

thanks eddie g!

 
And so it came to past that at 06 novembre, 2005 09:14, in the presence of The Eddie G., Anonymous Anonimo had spoken the following...

Hi Eddie!!!!
This is the 1st time i've been to your blog! melody told me to go cos she was upset she lost something to me but she did say i was a worthy opponent :) Yaaaaaaay!
but i do not think i'm hyper.there are definately people out there more hyper than me and i always know what you're talking about thats why i join conversations but i know people who talk faster than me but thank u eddie and jugdes i'm so honoured to be given an award okay... well eds i might
(might being the operative word)
be buggering off next year but i hope u stay as edd-gy (?) as ever and mail me (wild_nat@hotmail.com) mwahs!

 
And so it came to past that at 06 novembre, 2005 09:15, in the presence of The Eddie G., Anonymous Natalya had spoken the following...

oops i forgot to say who i was! okay the above comment was left by Natalya

 
And so it came to past that at 11 novembre, 2005 18:58, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger not william had spoken the following...

Hot damn i won! And the projected speech is scarily close to what i would've said haha.

 
And so it came to past that at 08 febbraio, 2006 13:28, in the presence of The Eddie G., Anonymous Natalie had spoken the following...

Eddie my boy, i'm going to cut off your ears and pin them to my dress for not giving me the ganas award.

not even a nomination!

the sole of my boot has your name on it.

bwahahahahahahahaha...

 
And so it came to past that at 08 febbraio, 2006 20:47, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger Eddie G. had spoken the following...

Natalie as in Natalie Leow? I'm disappointed in you! It's not the ganas award you deserve, but rather the shameless award :P

but hey, i'm sure you get mentioned all the time in TMY's blog. I'm actually doing you a favour here. lol

 
And so it came to past that at 08 febbraio, 2006 20:49, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger Eddie G. had spoken the following...

And if left to me, I'd prefer to pin a corsage to my dress.

Not that I wear dresses anyway.

But if I did, I'd rather use a corsage.

But I don't. So forget that.

But just in case...

 
And so it came to past that at 08 febbraio, 2006 20:51, in the presence of The Eddie G., Blogger Eddie G. had spoken the following...

Oh, and for the record, Sze Mun scares me more than you do.

And she didn't hold 20% of my NEC final grade. That in itself speaks for something :P

 

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